Why am I so nice & polite. 

"XJDano" (xjdano) 06/01/2015 at 21:52 • Filed to: None

0

21

Oppo help me be an asshole.

I swear to God, if another door to door guy sees me & family pull up after going out to dinner, basically rush the kids inside so I can avoid a conversation. Walk up to the door, reach past the no soliciting sign & knock, get ignored then knock again

I will not be so nice to say not interested. I don’t give a shit you are spraying my whole god damned neighborhood. (Well maybe then, I don’t need all the bugs coming to my house)

I put the $1.95 silver sticker up for a reason.

I guess I'll get another one and put it on the corner of garage, which you have to walk past to get to the front door.

McMike > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 21:56

0

“I rent” gets rid of most of them.

For those it doesn’t, there’s

http://www.sprinklersupplies4less.com/orbit-yard-enf…

RustedSprinter > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 21:56

1

Oh cram it churchy!

XJDano > McMike 06/01/2015 at 21:59

0

The first question I answered wrong.

“Are you the primary home owner?”

cornerslide > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 22:01

0

I have those signs as well. When someone knocks anyway I open the and very sternly say “You better be collecting for the blind”. Usually does the trick.

XJDano > cornerslide 06/01/2015 at 22:04

0

I’ll try that.

One time before I answered the door I was already pissed swing it open and it was kids selling some fund raiser thing. I had pity and after there 2 minute speech, said No thanks.

McMike > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 22:09

3

If that excuse isn’t applicable, I will tell them once that I’m not interested. If they continue, I will mention I’m not interested, and I’m trying to be nice. If they continue after that, then the gloves come off, and it becomes a game.

How few words can I use to get them to leave?

How long can I stare them down saying nothing before they leave?

How long can I repeat back what they say before the leave.

Basically, it becomes an excuse for me to be to be a fourth grader.

Sometimes my neighbor will text me, telling me someone is going door to door selling doors and windows (or some other service) so I will be able to answer the door in a towel and yell, “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT??!?!?!?”

AntiSpeed > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 22:15

0

My homeboy Dolla Billionz can help you out.

He says it also works with punk rock hoes that will not get off your dick, but I have yet to test that out.

Agrajag > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 22:23

0

I’d be happy with a trap door rigged to the door bell. Or the very least a sign that reads, “Please Stand on Red X Before Pressing Door Bell.” I might make that sign.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 22:35

0

My guide to be an asshole

Lock the doors intentionally if they’re trying to talk you in the car or house.

Say “I can’t hear you my windows are double pained.”

Get off my lawn I just fertillized it.

A blunt no thanks does wonders.

Talk like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.

Be from New Jersey (assholery is a second nature for us)

Dusty Ventures > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 22:37

3

“Oppo help me be an asshole.”

Buy a new BMW. Let the transformation happen naturally.

(Apologies to any Oppostles who own late model BMWs)

Xyl0c41n3 > Dusty Ventures 06/01/2015 at 22:52

0

Snerk.

Or a Prius.

Xyl0c41n3 > McMike 06/01/2015 at 22:53

0

Why bother continuing to talk to them? Why not just say “no thank you. Not interested,” as you simultaneously close the door?

Party-vi > Dusty Ventures 06/01/2015 at 23:22

2

I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW I WAS AN ASSHOLE BEFORE I PURCHASED MY BMW!

Dusty Ventures > Party-vi 06/01/2015 at 23:25

2

Don’t worry. I’m thoroughly convinced you were born an asshole

;)

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > XJDano 06/01/2015 at 23:40

0

I had a telemarketer call my home at 7:30 AM on a saturday, you know who calls me at that time on a Saturday? My mom! So I politely told him to fuck off. He then called back to tell me how rude I was, so I told him to fuck off again and hung up. This is a good example of it’s good to be an asshole at the right time.

Sam > McMike 06/02/2015 at 00:10

0

Better yet, answer the door WITHOUT the towel, and say “I thought the pimp said you’d be shorter”. That’ll get them running.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Party-vi 06/02/2015 at 04:09

1

so you owned an Audi then

;)

McMike > Xyl0c41n3 06/02/2015 at 05:20

0

DJDano wanted asshole lessons.

random001 > Dusty Ventures 06/02/2015 at 06:45

0

BURN!

random001 > XJDano 06/02/2015 at 06:46

0

You’re married. You can honestly and legitimately say no to that question.

Party-vi > pip bip - choose Corrour 06/02/2015 at 06:57

1

No.

#bornthisway

#blessed